YEARS AGO, I lived next door to a pessimistic older man named Steve, who told me he hadn't had any friends since quitting his factory job 20 years earlier. The bowling league, happy hours and poker games had all withered. Steve sat on his porch all day.
Across the street was another neighbor, Werner. Weather permitting, Werner sat on a battered La-Z-Boy recliner he'd set up on his lawn. The two men, both around the same age, stared at each other but rarely talked. When Steve collapsed on his porch, Werner watched as the ambulance crew tried to revive him. I went to Steve's funeral, a subdued event (there were just four of us, including a priest who hadn't met him).
Steve and Werner are a handy metaphor for the kind of isolation that COVID-19 has visited upon many of us, an isolation that still lingers. Though we men were heading in that direction anyway: The percentage of males with at least six close friends fell by half between 1990 and 2021, according to the Survey Center on American Life.
Simply put, men are in a friend recession. Guys are gifted in the art of isolation, the result of social conditioning and 10,000 years of evolutionary forces, where cooperation has been offset by competition. The invention of the big-screen TV hasn't helped.
And so, by middle age, we can find ourselves stranded. People move, we're occupied with children and work. We're tired, we're distracted, we change. Then there's our team mindset. A 2020 Oxford University study confirms what many guys will readily admit: Males prefer to socialize in groups rather than one-on-one. Groups are looser, less intimate. And shared activities often revolve around something-a sport, a bar, a fantasy football draft. But when the activity goes away, the group often goes with it.
This story is from the May 2023 edition of Reader's Digest US.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber ? Sign In
This story is from the May 2023 edition of Reader's Digest US.
Start your 7-day Magzter GOLD free trial to access thousands of curated premium stories, and 8,500+ magazines and newspapers.
Already a subscriber? Sign In
Why Water Workouts Work
Swimming and other aquatic exercises have special benefits
A Week Under My Son's Roof
When roles reverse, it’s payback time
Cue the BBQ
A bowl of bulgogi is a treat for your taste buds
Surf's Up... Again
A Hawaiian helps victims of a devastating fire in the most Hawaiian way possible
IS EVERYONE ON OZEMPIC?
Everything you need to know about the new diabetes drugs shaping the weight-loss revolution
Hey Dad, Can You Help Me Return the Picasso I Stole?
A painting went missing in 1969, then turned up at a museums doorstep. No one knew how or why—until now.
WHEN A SNAKE FELL FROM THE SKY
THE WOMAN ON THE LAWN MOWER THOUGHT THAT WAS BADESPECIALLY WHEN IT HIT HER. THEN THE HAWK SWOOPED IN.
Popping the Question
Engagement stories from both sides of the bend
HOA HORROR STORIES
The good, the bad and the utterly bizarre!
Doing Dad's Bucket List
Laura Carney's father died suddenly, with unfinished business. So she started checking off the items for him.