‘Returning to my jail job as a trans man was scarier than flying to Iraq'

Former RAF corporal Jaxon Feeley, 28, from Wigan, was born Jessica but made the brave decision to transition – and the prisoners he now works with are some of his biggest supporters

- KATIE PEARSON

While getting ready for school aged 14, I looked at myself in the mirror and let out a frustrated sigh. I was in a loving, supportive family with my dad Terry, mum Sharon and two younger siblings, and everything from the outside looked fine. But I knew I wasn’t happy in my own skin.

I preferred shorts to skirts, even wearing them under a bridesmaid’s dress at a family wedding. And although I wasn’t being bullied at school, I just didn’t fit in.

After my A levels I went to university to study criminology, but dropped out after two months and joined the Royal Air Force in August 2013. I felt so proud to be in the military uniform and was able to push myself every day in a traditionally masculine role.

We did a tour in Iraq, which was terrifying yet invigorating, and I finally thought I had found my place in the world.

In my spare time, I played rugby. And as I settled into a routine I decided to come out as gay and begin dating women. This felt like a huge step – but something still wasn’t quite right. Gradually, I grew more and more restless, until my mental health suffered.

After serving nearly four years in the military, I left in August 2017 and moved home to Wigan, Greater Manchester.

“I thought you loved it there?” my mum Sharon, 56, asked me, confused.

“I just need to be at home for a bit,” I told her, and joined the prison service as an officer at HMP Hindley, near Wigan.

Despite the new job and home comforts, my mental health continued to spiral. I couldn’t speak to anyone, I cried daily and I began to lose weight rapidly. One day, I found the words to explain a feeling I had been carrying around since the age of five. “Do I want to be a man?” I asked my mum.