Romantic Relics & Horrible Histories

Peter Seddon considers Derbyshire castles

- Peter Seddon

Castles are among the most romantic monuments. Even people not naturally drawn to history seem to like them – children love a good castle. Forget boring statues and plaques – bring on heroic knights, fearsome battles, merry minstrels and the torture chamber. Atop the battlements something strikes a primal chord… the more gruesome the better.

And who hasn’t sought out everybody’s favourite the ‘garderobe’? ‘Look out below’… ah, ‘too late’! Some impish wordsmiths claim this to be the corrupted origin of the word ‘toilet’ – outrageously untrue but a ripping yarn.

Castles certainly tell a vivid story – armed with a fertile imagination anything can happen. Yet there is an obvious dichotomy in this love affair. Despite much of the narrative of castle life being thoroughly unpleasant it doesn’t seem to matter.

Modern-day acts of violence and treachery are instinctively condemned – but similar atrocities in the distant past are considered jolly entertaining. Pour boiling oil on an enemy’s head… or condemn some poor wretch to a rat-infested dungeon? Up goes the ancient cry ‘Huzzah’! Perhaps castles and their horrible histories provide a reverse coping strategy for today’s ills – one for the psychologists.

The standard definition of ‘a castle’ is a ‘fortified private residence typical of the Middle Ages’. But ‘castle’ has also become a catch-all term embracing more rudimentary fortifications such as the ‘motte and bailey’ defences introduced into Britain by the Normans from the Medieval period.

Being neither on the coast or a national frontier – so not strategically of prime importance – Derbyshire is hardly awash with classic castles. So we’ll claim anything with ‘castle’ in its name!