Can Living Apart Bring You Together?

The irony is, a healthier relationship and a better sex life may have to do with spending more time alone

- Sara Petersen

When I heard about Gwyneth Paltrow’s erstwhile “living apart together” arrangement (LAT) with her husband, Brad Falchuk, early in their marriage— and how she felt it “helps with preserving mystery”—I registered the typical feeling of envy laced with derision that Paltrow so often inspires in me. “Of course she does,” I thought. But she and Falchuk aren’t alone. According to the United States Census Bureau’s 2019 Current Population Survey, there are roughly 9 million opposite-sex married couples who don’t live together and who love each other from afar for a variety of reasons. My husband, Brett, snores so loudly that I can hear him not only from a different room but from a different floor. After having three children, I’m prone to sheet-drenching night sweats. Oh, and we live with three children. These are only a few of many factors that preclude our household from being a haven of hot sex.