The EROTIC LIFE of MOTHERS

Are middle-aged mums enjoying a sexual reawakening? Alex Kuczynski tightens her Kegels as she delves into the latest sex research

- Alex Kuczynski

There’s been a lot of talk about the millennial sex recession lately. But while iGen’ers (or Gen Zers) might get off on Instagram self-adoration, a growing body of evidence suggests women in their thirties, forties, fifties and beyond are embarking on what might be a sexual revolution as profound as that of the 1960s.

Adult women are finding ways to enjoy sex more, changing relationships when the sexual narrative no longer serves them and exploring erotic pathways previous generations would have thought unimaginable, illegal and immoral. Bottom line: if you’re a 45-year-old woman, odds are you may be having hair-tearing, forget-your-name, I-need-a-glass-of-water sex.

Sex therapist Dr Debra Laino sees what is happening with middle-aged women as a “sexual cry for freedom”, along with a growing acceptance of fluid sexuality, bisexuality, bi-curiosity, polyamory and ‘monogamish’ marriages. Some therapists credit the #MeToo movement with women taking control of their sexual destinies, while others cite the increased use of BDSM products after the Fifty Shades phenomenon. There’s also a notable uptick in drug microdosing for enhanced pleasure during sex. And let’s not ignore the Perel Effect. The psychotherapist Esther Perel, with her books and podcasts, “has basically normalised the idea of monogamy being, well, challenging,” says sex therapist Sandi Kaufman.

Dr Laino has seen many of her patients experiment with micro dosing drugs: Ritalin, ecstasy, psychedelics. “When we have sex initially, there’s this massive dopamine rush,” she says. “After a bit of time that dopamine rush changes.” But Ritalin? “It helps you focus on the sex itself, not on the shopping list.”