He doesn’t deserve your excuses…or your time.

The other Weekend,  my friend had a drunken bar make-out with a dude who turned out to have a “sort of” girlfriend. Before that, she spent a few months dating a man who—dickhead alert—was secretly married with a child. “My therapist thinks I’m only attracted to emotionally unavailable men,” she told me afterward. This pissed me off, because people used to suggest that to me too, judgmentally, like I was broken and masochistically handpicking guys who’d poke at my wounds. Now that I’m in a healthy relationship, I look back at all my past relationships and realize what BS that “emotionally unavailable” pronouncement is.

1. It’s Blame-y and Baseless

The idea that we go after emotionally unavailable partners is a put-down used to shame and blame single women. It puts the onus on us to choose more wisely next time: You idiot, get it together. You’re never going to find a man if you keep chasing after emotionally unavailable ones. 

When really, my friend isn’t single because she was attracted to two men who weren’t ready to commit to her. She’s single because she hasn’t met the right guy yet.