Thou Shalt Manscape

I haven’t always practice what I preached.

- Aaron Lo

My fellow gay men, I implore to you: Thou shalt manscape!

Back when the first sprout of hair sprung up from my cuckoo bird – as it was then affectionately called, I was simply too busy dealing with emotional roller-coasters, acnes, and forbidden fantasies on that tall, dark and handsome senior (oh, you know what I am talking about). For some time, my private little garden was a monument of neglect.

All that changed when I lose my chastity cock ring: I Marvin-Gaye-and-get-it-on for the first time. I bestowed upon him the honor of diving, mouth first, six-inch into me. In the midst of the ecstasy and escalating lust, I caught him pulling out pubic hair from the betweens of his teeth. He did not call me out on that. But flushed with embarrassment, I promised to myself: Never again will I become anyone’s dental floss!

My initial attempts at manscaping were fraught with ignorance and cluelessness. The gay bible says Thou Shalt Manscape, but did not say How Shalt Thou Manscape, or How Shalt Thou’s Perfect Manscape Looketh Like. I made some attempts to watch porn and take notes on the pubic hairs of my favorite porn actors. But, three minutes into the video I was usually distracted and forgot what I set out to do in the first place.