On The Power Of Praise

Compliments are writer Susie Boyt’s biggest vice – but while she craves the high they give, she knows they’re not always good for her.

Is there anything more mood-altering than a beautifully timed compliment, delivered with style, wit and grace from someone you admire? Or quite like? Or even a stranger? Is there anything more likely to guarantee a good night out? Some people can’t relax at a party until they’ve had two-and-a-half units of fizzy alcohol; for me, it’s praise that helps me come into my own. One “Look at your lovely dress!” and my conversation flows. My jokes get funnier. My cheeks grow rosy. Sometimes, when I feel anxious, I think of the time I was standing in front of [actor] Bill Nighy in a queue at the theatre and he murmured “Beautiful skirt” as he passed. (It was my best one.)

Of course, the more original the compliment, the deeper in it goes. “I won’t forget it, not even after I’m dead,” my daughter said on her third birthday when she saw the castle cake, complete with horse-drawn carriage and turrets made from inverted ice-cream cones dusted with edible lustre. I’d been cursing the piping bag into the small hours, but maybe it was worth it after all? We all know the damage a vivid insult can do, but elaborate compliments can stay with you forever, too. In a pistachio-green silk dress printed all over with robots and black lace at the collar, I was greeted by a friend who said, “You are so Ginger Rogers in space, if space were Italian.” I nearly curtseyed. Thousands of likes on Instagram can’t compete with a moment like that.