While You Were Out, Millennials Rule!

Earbuds, texting, and snacks are in. E-mail and hierarchy are out. Get used to it.

- Stanley Bing

GOOD NEWS, TEAM! After years of labouring under the oppressive thumb of entitled boomers and sad, slow-moving slackers, we, the millennials in this organisation, have assumed control. Don’t worry. Nobody has been made uncomfortable, if that’s what you’re worried about. But there are going to be some changes around here. We thought you’d like to hear about them.

As you know, our demographic doesn’t really hierarchies. So we intend to run this company as a unified Team that agrees about everything. In addition:

Effective immediately everyone in the organisation is a vice president. New hires will begin at the senior executive director level, and after a period of two weeks will immediately be promoted to vice president also. (But individuals who are upset about the waiting period can totally just skip it.)