“My Husband Doesn't Even Know I Have An​​​​​​​ Eating Disorder.”

Michelle* starves herself and abuses laxatives most days, because she feels pressured to look good next to her high-powered husband of two years. Yet he has no clue what she’s going through. The 34-year-old, who works in communications, opens up about the secret she’s been hiding for two decades.

- Melissa Wong

“My wedding to Derrick* was one of the happiest occasions of my life. More than 100 close friends and relatives were in attendance, and I was head over heels in love. Derrick and I had dated for 2.5 years; he was the smartest, handsomest and most caring man I’d ever come across, and I was overjoyed to finally call him my husband.

I met Derrick at a work event. He works in the F&B industry, and he’d shown up at a party organised by my company. We clicked right away and hung out as friends for a few months before taking our relationship further.

While Derrick and I were close, there was one thing he did not – and still doesn’t – know about me: I have an eating disorder. It’s hard to imagine how he could miss a problem as serious as that, but I keep it pretty well hidden. In fact, if you asked him now whether or not I ate at our wedding dinner, he would probably say ‘yes’, but the truth is that with the exception of a piece of our wedding cake, which he fed to me, I made it a point not to consume a single morsel of food that night. Actually, I doubt if anyone noticed that I skipped the buffet table, because they were all too busy talking, dancing and having fun.

DECADES- LONG PROBLEM WITH FOOD AND WEIGHT

My struggle with an eating disorder began when I was 14 years old. Like most girls my age, I was conscious about my looks and equated being slim with being desirable to the opposite sex. I was a little on the chubby side, so I resorted to skipping meals whenever I could, or replacing some meals with milk. My parents didn’t know about my ‘tricks’ because they worked long hours and left me to sort out my own meals.