Are You Defined by Your Relationship?

Being in a relationship can change you in more ways than one - find out how.

We have all seen our friends make changes to their lives when they meet someone new. That couch potato suddenly goes on a healthy kick and the party girl who swore she would never have kids ends up with a big brood.

Not all changes are positive, though. Like the happy-go-lucky bestie who gradually loses her spark. Or the friend who becomes so focused on pleasing her partner that she becomes a shadow of the person you once knew.

Psychologist Dr Mandy Deeks says our partners and relationships start to shape us at around the six-month stage.That is when you begin to pick up different habits and beliefs.

“We get our sense of wellbeing from our relationships. When we meet someone and we think this might be ‘it’, we want things to work out. So we look for ways to make it happen.”

I AM GROWING AND REACHING NEW GOALS

A positive relationship helps us grow and realise our potential and goals. This is self-expansion, explains Rebecca Pinkus, from the School of Social Sciences and Psychology at Western Sydney University.

“You learn about yourself as well as the other person and they introduce you to new things, such as music and food,” she says. “There is a self-other overlap between you and your partner in terms of perspectives, characteristics and resources. We take on some of our partner’s characteristics and perspectives as our own.”

I AM SPEAKING THE LANGUAGE OF LOVE

Marriage researcher Dr Gary Chapman has identified five “love languages” we are exposed to as we grow up and experience relationships. These are: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time and Physical Touch.