Don't Let Your Kids Rule Your Marriage

Sure, you love your children… But remember to always put your relationship first

- Tan Gin Yee

In marriage, children can be one of the greatest threats to happiness. While this may sound ridiculous, it can be all too true when parents get caught up in child rearing, putting all their energy into their offspring and neglecting their own marital relationships.

Author Dr William Doherty, whose book A Strong Marriage was released recently, says focusing too much on our kids can cause relationships to unravel. But, he adds there’s a lot we can do about it. “Most of us want to give our children the best, and we expend a lot of energy doing this. The trouble is, it is often detrimental to our own marriages.”

While Dr Doherty acknowledges that parents must pay attention to their children’s needs, he says, “There is a big difference between adjusting your marriage to meet your children’s needs, and losing your marriage to parenthood.” He believes marriage is the foundation of two-parent families – the core relationship, and one that needs to be protected. “Children rely on the stability and security of our marriage for their own security and stability. When it goes sour, the family goes sour.”

KEEPING THE LOVE ALIVE

Many couples do not know how to keep the love alive past the honeymoon stage, and the arrival of children only complicates matters. Children often “own” their parents, with few limits on how much attention they are given. “Parenting has become a 24-hour, seven-day-a week store, with service on demand,” says Dr Doherty.