The Not-So-Tri Coach

Inspired by a friend, Brunty’s decided he should turn his hand to coaching… just not actual swim, bike or run advice

- Martyn Brunt

Recently, a friend of mine announced that he had qualified as a ‘Level 2 Triathlon Coach’. My first reaction was to laugh like a hyena on meth-amphetamine because this particular individual wouldn’t make a decent coach if you took all his teeth out and put 52 seats in. Yet my derision gave way to curiosity about what precisely it is he’s now qualified to teach. Disappointingly, it seems to focus entirely on ‘swimming, cycling and running’ – I say disappointingly because, as we all know, there’s an awful lot more to tri that that. In fact, I’d go so far as to say these aren’t even in the top three most important things a triathlete needs to learn.

This got me thinking that maybe, at last, I’ve found my niche in the sport. As tri’s number one idiot savant with proper tri-skillzzzz forged in the furnace of endless blundering, I could set up as a coach and offer my boundless knowledge on the stuff you need to know, like:

- How to balance your kit box on your bike while walking to transition without dropping the box and scattering your kit everywhere or cracking your shin so hard on a pedal you feel like you’ve just kicked an engine block.