Why Women Are Having More Affairs Than Ever

RELATIONSHIPS A new ground-breaking TV drama explodes the gendered myths around monogamy and, says Catriona Innes, it reflects real sexual trends

THROUGHOUT her nearly decade- long marriage 38-year-old *Fi has, to varying degrees, cheated on her husband. Everything from seemingly small indiscretions (sexting strangers) to the extreme end of the spectrum (attending sex parties with both men and women).

“Before we got together, I was very sexually active. Going to BDSM clubs was really part of my identity,” she says. “I was in my twenties and wanted to explore those different parts of myself. But my partner wasn’t into [my more kinkier sexual preferences].”

She began finding people she could colour outside of the lines of matrimony with. “I think it’s unrealistic that we can get everything we can possibly need from one partner,” Fi argues. “And if the other partner isn’t up for an open relationship, that means the other person is making a sacrifice.”

Stories like this are still laced with a certain shock factor, but mostly because of a traditional lack of female perspectives on affairs, and indeed on expansive sexual desire. The word is very much out on the multifarious sexual needs for all genders in academic circles — and pop culture to a degree, post-Fifty Shades of Grey. In social circles, there is now less of a taboo. Fi is far from a lone woman breaking free from monogamy.

Since 1990, the number of women who admit to cheating has risen by 40%, according to researcher Esther Perel. In 2022, according to website The Truth About Deception, 67 per cent of men and 53 per cent of women had cheated at least once that year.

Recently, London was found to be UK’s epicentre for affairs. One survey revealed that 168,322 of London’s eight million residents admitted they were currently having affairs.