The Relationship Resolution We Should All Make This Year

A few years ago I met a man. He slid into my DMs one day and we got chatting. After a while, I suggested we go for a drink. I was enjoying flirting and the logical thing to do, I thought, was to meet up in person. So I was baffled when, while not exactly turning me down, he just sort of... ignored the question.

- FRANKI COOKNEY

This went on for several months. He would text me, I would reply, and at some point, I’d say “Shall we get that drink then?” He’d express interest but trying to make a plan was like pulling teeth. In the end, I’d let it go, assuming I’d read the room wrong. A few days would pass and then he’d be back with another question, “How was your weekend?” “What do you think of this article?” “Have you seen Russian Doll?” (it was 2019, okay?!)

Gen Z probably has a term for this kind of behaviour. Breadcrumbing, maybe. Benching, perhaps. But those terms only really make sense in the context of monogamy. When your relationship goal is to meet and “cuff” one person for a romantic and sexual relationship, any behaviour which skirts around the edges of this is going to be met with suspicion.

I’m not monogamous, and neither was this man. So why were we faffing about like this? Why not just be upfront about what we both wanted? Well, eventually that’s what I did. I told him I was enjoying chatting and I’d like to get to know him in person. I wasn’t looking for a pen pal. “What do you want from this?” I asked.