I Felt All The Social Media Envy So You Don't Have To

It is frequently bemoaned that social media breeds social comparison which in turn breeds anxiety, depression, demotivation, etcetera. It’s often then noted that, ah, but social envy, as the emotion that drives consumption, also drives economies. A necessary evil, if you will.

- Rega Jha

It’s finally, ruefully concluded that maybe it was a mistake to base global industrial world orders around our idiotic susceptibility to wanting things we don’t need simply because other people have them, and our infinite appetite to have our appetites stoked via relentless, soul-crushing comparison with others. Oh well.

I can’t fix capitalism in 800 words but, you’ll be pleased to know, I’ve found a solution to all the time we waste on this comparing-then-moping business.

Yes. At great personal cost, as a public service, I took on the work of doing all the social comparison possible, all at once, so we can be done with it and collectively move on, post-haste, to absolutely anything else at all.

METHOD: I looked at the entirety of social media, paid particular attention to your profile, and I compared like hell.

FINDINGS: Via my comparative analyses of every single person on earth vs. you, I discovered:

1. There are some people who are way, wayyy more successful than you. Some of these people are younger than you, and some are older. Some are smarter, some are doorknobs. Some of these people really deserve their success — they worked much harder than you, or they had a better idea. But some of these people just happen to be more privileged than you, they fell out the womb onto easier rungs of caste and class structures, or they got luckier than you did. That happens. It sucks.