The Good Ol' Cricket Press Box Is Just Not The Same

When Arsene Wenger opted to serve a touchline ban in the press box recently, I found myself hoping Trevor Bayliss might consider following the Arsenal football manager’s lead – if only to spare us those close-up shots of him on the balcony.

- Martin Johnson

If you’re wondering what they remind you of, next time you’re behind a car with one of those nodding dogs in the back window, try and picture it with a floppy sun hat on.

This winter’s Ashes series won’t have been much fun for an English cricket hack in Australia, largely because there is nothing quite so nauseating as a press box full of Aussie journos when their team is sticking it to the Poms.

With the England coach in the box, though, they could have at least lightened the mood with a few questions. “So, Trev. Now that you’ve kindly agreed to stay in charge for another two years, tell me. What exactly is it that you do?”

Unlike soccer, or rugby, they can be long old days in a cricket press box, and when it’s a dull old game, or rain stops play, Bayliss himself might find it an agreeable change helping compile an all-time Ugly XI, or offer helpful suggestions to a journalist struggling to come up with a catchy intro.

Which is why, when Darren Gough made his debut for Yorkshire at the age of 18, he was fairly startled to pick up the paper next morning and find himself described as the son of a Barnsley rat catcher.

Given that Gough senior was an office bound pest control officer for Rentokil, this was one of the better examples of creative writing.

For reasons that entirely escape me, journalists are never more closely associated with creative writing than when they’re filling in an expenses form, and one of the all-time legends in this area cemented his place in the hall of fame on one rainy 1980s afternoon in the Yorkshire press box.

When there’s nothing to do but wait for the next inspection, conversations can fly off in almost any direction, and on this occasion it happened to be motor cars. With someone wondering out loud why, when the car’s going backwards, the mileometer doesn’t budge.