I Don't Always Call The Shots

Good Things Happen When You Drink Just for the Flavour

- Vardhan Kondvikar

You have been warned: Not-Nice- Person Alert. Actually, Extremely-Irritating-Person Alert, while we’re at it. I am boring, unlikeable and terribly posh. Boring because I don’t drink all that much. My parents, bless their livers, were happy to let my sister and I try any alcohol we wanted, which, in the best recommendation for reverse-psychology parenting I can think of, made us not want to try very much at all.

A little port wine, yes (especially the kind that came in a box with a little tap), but beer was frankly disgusting, and the burps came out through my nose, which made it even worse. The main thing was drinking wasn’t something we had to hide. No Bertie Wooster-style sneaking into the study for a decanter of rum and a cigar, no flayed backsides upon discovery, no sense for general criminality and mayhem.

So, in college, when everyone else went, “Duuuuude, no parents, let’s get smaaaaashed!” with the drawls often lasting entire weeks, I was the one going, “Meh, I have a good book to read.” Boring, I warned you. I also have the ‘responsible person’ gene, which meant I was always the one dropping people off after parties.