I'll Be There For You (But Maybe Not After 30)

Making friends as an adult is hard because chance meetings with strangers become less frequent, we’re less tolerant, and we lack the time to build shared experiences. Maintaining existing friendships is tricky too – and the pandemic doesn’t help. What’s a girl to do?

- Charis Torrance

IN the Western world we have long placed romantic relationships at the peak of human connection. But for most people their friendships tend to last longer than their relationships, and their connection with friends is often at least as – or even more – intimate. Friendships are deeply meaningful. ‘We lack language for describing the ache when we crave for companionate emotional connection,’ says Kat Vellos, author of We Should Get Together, ‘whether it’s an ache for a single close friend or a group of friends.’

So why is it harder for some of us to make friends than it is to go on a date with someone?

When we were younger, it was easier: you just walked up to the kid with the cool toy and started a conversation. By the time your parents were ready to leave, you had a whole new best friend. But we’re not on the playground any more, and as we get older it feels like it’s more difficult. I probably have two friends I speak to on a regular basis. And recently I’ve barely seen them.

I called up life coach Katlego Kolobe, founder of Rise Vuka Thrive Coaching Co. (rise-vukathrive-coaching-co.business.site), and clinical psychologist Jeanie Cavé, owner of Impact Therapy Centre (impacttherapy.co.za), to find out from them why it’s so difficult to make friends as a grown-up, what you can do to overcome these obstacles, and the apps you can use to find your tribe.

WHY IS IT SO TOUGH?