Reclaim Your Sex Life

With these tips and tricks, you can relight the fire in your long-term relationship

There comes a time when children eventually grow up and leave home and you find yourself with so much more opportunity for good sex – no sleepless nights spent worrying if teens will make it home safely from a party or, as in the early years, listening for little footsteps outside the bedroom door. So why, instead of lighting candles and getting in the mood, do we talk about putting the bins out? And why are we wondering why our sex drive has suddenly gone AWOL?

Things do change

‘I spend a lot of my time reassuring clients that these feelings are completely normal,’ says Denise Knowles, a couples counsellor and therapist from Relate (relate.org). ‘In a long-term relationship, it’s no surprise that we slip into routines around domesticity and our sex lives.’

But, according to the experts, this is a time of opportunity to grab with both hands – not just to reclaim our relationship but also take it to new levels of sexual satisfaction. Put the bins out? No thanks! We’re going back to bed…

Find your love language

People show love in many ways, says relationship coach Ben Edwards (benedwards.com). This may be with gifts, words of affirmation, physical touch, acts of devotion and quality time. ‘Think about what makes you feel loved and, communicate it to your partner.’ And remember that they may need to be shown love from you in a different way, so consider what works for them, not only what would make you feel good.

Start small