Coping as the default parent

With school holidays in full swing, ICU nurse and parenting podcaster Charlotte Teideman is dealing with the lion’s share of childcare

- CHARLOTTE TEIDEMAN

Charlotte Teideman, from Berkshire, is married to Alec, 33, and they have daughter Bella, four, and son Bailey, 18 months. She’s also an intensive care nurse and runs an online business. Yet despite her challenging career, it’s Charlotte who does the bulk of the parenting chores. Thankfully, for all other ‘default parents’ out there who are feeling the pressure during the summer holidays, the 30-year-old has a fail-safe strategy to avoid burnout, which she calls the three Ds…

You’ll know if, like me, you’re the default parent. You’ll feel the overwhelming pull in every direction. Your days will be filled with “in a second” or “not right now” as you work your way through the never-ending list of tasks piling up all around you.

Aside from the things to do, there will always be an endless list of things to know. The default parent knows everything – when the next immunisations are due, when to apply for schools, what clothes the kids need, what has to be packed in the bag. Just having to know everything is exhausting.

It’s an overwhelming feeling of responsibility knowing that you’re the organiser, the fixer, the booker, the cleaner, the chef and the rest. And do you know what makes it harder? There’s no let-up. It’s a constant tug in every direction. This is by no means a blame game. It’s often not the result of a partner’s laziness or an unwillingness to help. It’s simply a lack of understanding or even a lack of knowledge of the sheer number of tasks that fall to the default parent – ie me!