Falling in love pulled me back from death

THIS week I cried a few times. The first time was strangely unexpected. I was talking to the person I love when something in me snapped and I realised I was thousands of miles away. I wanted them to jump through the screen of my phone and hold me.

- Tracey Emin

I had a desperate desire to be physically loved, to be held to feel safe, to be loved. Held down on this earth and be forever wanted.

Thick burning tears rolled out of my eyes, and I realised I was scared.

I was thousands of miles away from home, alone and in unbearable pain.

I sat on the floor trying to unpack my case, I felt like a rag doll, flopping one way or another. Then I realised I’d shit myself.

I can’t begin to describe the kind of pain I was in, it started a few weeks back, seem to get worse every time I flew and now I was sitting at the breakfast table with my friends who had just flown halfway round the world to meet me, I was trying to put on a brave face.

I lay on the sun lounger, this was my first holiday in so long.

This was my chance to relax and feel better, but the pain was excruciating. It felt like my ghost appendix were going to explode. I went to my room, curled up in a very small ball on my giant bed and sort of passed out.