Just listen, don't advise

Sometimes all that a person wants is a safe space to articulate their feelings - give them your attentive presence

- Sonali Gupta

A client recently asked: "What is the best way to address a situation with a friend where I want to talk and vent about what I am feeling but I am not looking for any advice or a solution?"

She said she had begun avoiding discussions with family and friends because she felt they move on to trying to solve the problem when all she needed was a listener in a safe space. This is a situation many of us have been in at some point in our lives. At the same time, some of us, without even realising it, have also been at the other end jumping in to offer suggestions and recommendations to address the situation without checking if the other person wants this.

The concern here is that the person who wants to share what they are going through ends up feeling that their need of being listened to is not met. On the other hand, the person who wants to help, by providing a solution, feels that their intention and what they are saying is not well received. As a result, these situations are often followed by an awkward silence or smiles and the conversation abruptly moves to something else, most likely trivial.