Rishi was revved for launch, but it stalled before it began

"I'm all revved up and ready to go," said Mel Stride, the work and pensions secretary, standing in front of the Silverstone racetrack.

- JOE MURPHY

The location of the manifesto launch was an unexpected gift to sketchwriters, who had even better puns at hand: a car crash of a campaign. Going round in circles. On a road to nowhere. Wheels coming off. The pits...

With that as a warm-up, the question was whether Rishi Sunak would roar up in a racing car, sliding some doughnuts on the tarmac, crying: “Beat that, Ed Davey!” Sadly, he and his wife Akshata instead climbed out of the back of a glossy black Audi A8 saloon. The vehicle was chosen by the Met Police protection unit – but could you imagine Margaret Thatcher arriving for her manifesto launch in a German car?

Mistake number one by the Conservatives was failing to lay on any breakfast for the press squad, who emerged “hangry” off the battlebus from Westminster. At the Lib Dem launch, they served pastries, custard creams and fruit, and hired a barista. Here, just a flask of plain coffee – not even a digestive to dip. There was a canteen, but the ladies there said Tory beancounters had vetoed a free buffet as too expensive.

The great Bernard Ingham, Lady T’s press minder, used to say: “Throw the sharks some meat or they’ll take off your leg!” In this case, a croissant might have soothed some hostile questions.