Hayley's hidden pain 'I MASKED MY SELF-HATRED WITH DRUGS'

The Wellington after beating makeup artist is finally free to be herself a 10-year methamphetamine addiction

- Cloe Willetts

After a decade of methamphetamine addiction, homelessness and arrests for gang-related robberies, Hayley Schofer finally gave up drugs at age 28.

Detoxing after daily drug usage was a difficult feat for the Wellington makeup artist, however, what came next was even harder. After a lifetime of self-hatred and keeping secrets, Hayley lost family and friends when she finally came out as transgender in 2019. But she also found herself.

"I was around six when I realised something wasn't quite right because I wanted to wear my sister's things, including her ballet shoes, but I didn't want anyone knowing, so I hid it," tells Hayley, 35, who grew up in Hawke's Bay. "I felt enclosed in my mind and trapped, I was quite shy." Hayley, whose given name was Hayden, played rugby as a kid, excelled at running and had plenty of male friends. But by intermediate, she realised she wasn't attracted to the opposite sex.

"I hated myself and the fact I wasn't attracted to women," admits Hayley. "I didn't tell anyone I wanted to be a woman. It was my biggest secret, I masked that self-hatred with drugs because they took me out of my reality."

Hayley's path to addiction started at 12, when she was suspended for smoking marijuana at intermediate. Attempting to fit in with the boys, Hayley had girlfriends but admits the relationships were never romantic.

By 17, Hayley was doing methamphetamine and recalls the first time she tried it with a workmate after coming home from working in shearing sheds in the South Island.

"It was all downhill from there," shares Hayley, who became a mum to daughter Kassidy when she was 22.