Shhh! Secrets To Silencing Your Inner Mean Girl

How to calm the critic in your head... and snag some serious self compassion.

- Amanda Tarlton

You got a C on the paper you thought you had aced. “Ugh, you’re so stupid.” Then you took an embarrassing stumble during your cheer competition. “You ruined it for the whole team.” And your #OOTD only got 78 likes, compared to your friend’s 126. “Why can’t you be as stylish as her?”

No, that’s not a real-life Regina George talking—that’s your inner mean girl. And if she’s turned your brain into a burn book of hurtful insults and critical comments, it’s time to pull a Cady Heron and squash that critical voice for good. How? It’s all about self-compassion.

Yep, the buzzy wellness word is having a major moment RN—and it basically just means being kinder to yourself.

“Self-compassion allows you to love your true self—your authentic, beautiful, unique and sometimes ‘messy’ self,” explains Jaime Pfeffer, a compassion expert, author and life balancing coach. “It allows you to make mistakes, be creative and boost your self-esteem.”

And just to be clear, self-compassion does not translate to being selfish— because when you learn to embrace your flaws, you’ll actually become a better friend and overall person, too. As Pfeffer explains, the more love you have for yourself, the more you’ll have to give to everyone around you.

To mitigate your own inner mean girl, incorporate one (or all!) of these self-compassion strategies. Brain bully begone…

BUILD BOUNDARIES

A big part of respecting and loving yourself is knowing your limits in every area of your life, from your social sched to your extracurrics—because when you extend yourself too far trying to do all the things, it’s easy to wind up feeling stressed (and even sad) when those feelings of failure begin to pop up.