A Meditation On The Short Life And Overdue Death Of Smart

My fellow Americans, our long national nightmare is over.

Smart, which never was, is dead in these United States. And true to form, even the minicar brand’s death is unsatisfying. It stumbled into its grave the same way it tripped into our country in 2008, with one unlovable model. For the last year or so, only the battery-electric version has been lingering on our shores.

I, like most sentient beings, shed no tears for Smart. In one way or another, I’ve been living with, and sometimes praying for, its death almost as soon as it was birthed. As a publicity stunt, Smart decided that before it began selling cars in the U.S., it would bring a gaggle of Europe-spec two-seaters to circulate around the outside of Cobo Center during the Detroit auto show. Said one PR guy who did not work for Smart: “All it would take is one strategic collision with a Ford F-250 to put an end to the whole idea of Smart.” Back then, Smart’s overlord, DaimlerChrysler, envisioned an array of Smart models, including a proposed quasi-SUV enticingly named Formore, to swim among the lumbering beasts of the American highway. Instead, the company only ever imported the Fortwo, a car with a striking resemblance to a Little Tikes Cozy Coupe. The U.S. would never get the Smart Roadster, which was at least cute and slow in an Austin-Healey Bugeye Sprite kind of way. We never got the Forfour, a four-seat, rebodied Mitsubishi Colt. Yeah, probably no loss there.