2018 BMW M5: The Riddler

Doing what the new M5 asks you to do isn't enough. It seemingly never is...

- Raunak Ajinkya

Buckle up. Depress brake. Hold that red start button down for a second, and you’re golden. As the M5 rumbles to life, and the last moments of silence dissipate into a shout, and then a roar, and into a burble that’s omnipresent, you become acutely aware that you’re cocooned, rather seriously, into the business end of things. There’s no joking around here. No signs of playfulness, none of the liberation that comes with laughter. There’s sweat, there’s effort, and there’s always a furrowed brow. There’s definitely no space for a knock-knock joke.

This is how the new F90 M5 greets you. I use the word ‘greets’ rather lightly, but what it feels like is a curt nod. There are very few machines out there that cut through the bulls**t as effectively as the M5. It took me three days of frantic driving to understand that. The M5’s best trait is that it’s got blinders on. It’s so ruthlessly determined, so eager, so dramatic and to the point, that there’s little space for much else. The thing is, it’s also its worst trait. You can see how hard it’s trying from the moment you step in. The unnecessarily complicated gear-lever, the shouty red stubs sticking out from behind the steering boss, even the fonts used for the instrument binnacle. It’s all very... taut.

I’d like to be crystal clear at this point, lest I get misinterpreted. I’m not saying any of this is a bad thing. I actually think it’s a breath of fresh air. God knows we have enough cars on the road trying to do it all. So when the M5 came along, I actually lauded and appreciated the fact that it had a personality. A soul, if you will. So what if it’s hardened, set in its ways, and as far from malleable as can be? It’s these very traits that blow you away from the moment you grip the steering and flex your right foot.