My Son Jules Is The Garlic In Life's Salad

Author Kathy Lette tells Victoria Young about navigating her autistic son’s young adulthood – and the novel that was inspired by his love life

In an interview with woman&home five years ago, author Kathy Lette “came out” about her son Julius’s autism; something she’d kept secret for 21 years. Her bestselling book, The Boy Who Fell to Earth, was a fictional account of life with an autistic child. Her new novel, Best Laid Plans, broaches the topic of autism and sex. Kathy, who lives in London, also has a daughter, Georgina, who is 24.

I’m very candid, so hiding something was out of character for me. But I waited until Jules was 21 to talk about his autism because I didn’t want to invade his privacy and I needed his permission. I did the right thing, but talking about it in woman&home was such a relief!

It taught me that it was better to shine a light into a dark corner. It made others feel they are not alone and it connected me with the whole autistic community. But it’s amazing how much stigma still shrouds the condition. So my aim by writing about autism is to normalise it. And that includes writing about sex. You never read about autism and sex, but it’s a big topic for us; in fact it’s centre stage.

Jules prefers to say he has Asperger’s. But it’s not just that he is a “little bit quirky”: autism is a lifelong condition. It often means a remarkably high IQ – I call Jules my Wikipedia with a pulse – but it’s characterized by an inability to communicate effectively, plus obsessive behaviour. So: not knowing what to say, then saying the wrong things, being told off but not understanding why, feeling confused and left out, is his reality.