‘If I hadn't been born, Boris probably wouldn't be PM'

Rachel Johnson’s book, Rake’s Progress, about her ill-fated attempt to be elected as a pro-Remain MEP for Change UK is hilarious, wise, and (at times) a knowingly hide-behind-the-sofa cringe. Katie Jarvis caught up with her in lockdown to ask life’s important questions. Such as, has she managed a haircut yet?

- Katie Jarvis

So I’m in lockdown, reading Rake’s Progress: My Political Midlife Crisis. The book where Rachel Johnson details her car-crash attempt to stand for Change UK in the 2019 Euro elections (the anti-Brexit party whose performance was the cringeequivalent of Warren Beatty announcing the wrong winner at the Oscars). (2017 but, for your sake, don’t YouTube it.)

And I’m laughing out loud.

Particularly at the bit where she’s playing tennis with David Cameron, listening to his things-you’d never-say infront-of-your-granny list of swear-words whenever he muffs a shot. (To give you a flavor, “fat bugger” is at the v. acceptable end.)

And particularly at the bit, towards the end, when she confesses to Cameron – at a v. posh but v. noisy party in Regent’s Park– that she’s including a detailed list of his swear words, and he has a Prince Andrewtype panic. “I don’t want people to think I sweat!” he mishears.

And I think: This would make a great interview.

“Katie, any time!” Rachel Johnson emails back.

Then there’s radio-silence.

Disaster.

I drag out my conspiracy theories.

1. Has she been banned from speaking?

(Not least by Ann Widdecombe, who appears as a walk-on: “There are some people who you can’t help liking – loving –even though you dislike their politics. Ann Widdecombe is not one of them.”)

This seems both very impossible and highly unlikely.