Tempted To Snoop?

Ever itched to pry into your partner’s private messages? Here’s why it could seriously damage your relationship.

- Vida Li Sik

PICTURE it: your partner says they’re going to take a shower. You’re sitting on the couch. Their cellphone is lying on the coffee table. You know the password. A few taps is all it would take and you could have a look at their emails and text messages. Would you do it?

If you answered yes you’re not alone. According to a UK study, 34 percent of women – and a staggering 62 percent of men – admitted to looking through a partner’s cellphone without their knowledge.

Now consider this: what if you were the one who left your cellphone on the coffee table only to come back into the room to find your partner looking through your messages? How would you feel?

In the same study nearly a third of the people surveyed said they’d consider ending the relationship if they discovered their partner had been looking at their texts, emails and social media messages on their cellphone without permission.

You might be tempted to snoop even if your partner hasn’t behaved suspiciously with their cellphone, doing things such as hiding the screen from you when texting or ending calls abruptly. You think you trust them but when their phone’s just lying there and you could take a quick peek, suddenly your fingers are itching to pick it up.

Before you do, stop and ask yourself why you want to snoop, says Pierre de Villiers, a counselling therapist based in Fourways, Johannesburg. “The minute you pick up the phone and start checking messages, ask yourself whether you’re acting in a loving way or if you’re policing your partner,” he says.