This Club Drug Cured My Depression

Twenty-year-old Samantha Belloso was desperate – three antidepressants had already failed her. Then she found ketamine. This is what happened next

- Ashley Oerman

Last year, suicide was the second leading cause of death in people ages 10 to 34, per the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention in the US. Now, a drug often abused on the ’90s rave scene is getting attention for treating suicidal thoughts and depressive disorders within hours, not weeks, for those unresponsive to traditional antidepressants. Here’s one young woman’s story.

I’m standing over the Grand Canyon. It’s the future, but everyone is wearing medieval-looking outfits, and I’m a queen holding a baby while waving to my kingdom. I tell them I’m going to be a better leader and that from now on, everything is going to be different, in a good way.

Suddenly, I hear a voice over a speaker: ‘Hi, Sam. We’re just checking in. How are you feeling?’ I give a thumbs-up because it’s hard to talk, and I open my eyes for a second to see that I’m still in a little blue room, lying back in what looks like a dentist chair, with an IV in my right arm. There’s a sink, some cabinets, and a framed painting of a beach in front of me. I close my eyes, and suddenly, I’m on the sand in front of that ocean in the picture. This is my first of six ketamine trips.

Since I was 12, I knew I felt things more intensely than others. When I was happy, it was such a high, but when I was angry or sad, I’d cry to the point of hyperventilating or sleep for hours longer than I needed. Still, I never, ever talked to anyone about it.