Raising Rebels

What to do when you are raising rebellious adopted or relative's kids.

- Chris Hart

When you adopt a child, from within your extended family or one who is not related to you, you naturally expect a happy ending. But real life is a lot messier because adopted children are more likely to have behavioral and learning difficulties than your own children. They are more likely to rebel, have anger problems or be violent. They are less likely to persevere when tasks become challenging tasks or pay attention in class.

At first glance, this may seem odd but its because adoptive parents tend to put extra effort into raising their children, for example by eating family meals together, reading together, and getting involved in their children’s schools. Teens rebel mostly about preparing themselves to leave home, trying to fit in with their peers and becoming more independent - rather than you always telling them what to do.

All kids, especially teens, get angry and rebel but there is a limit to what you can do about that, beyond growing a thick skin and being reasonably empathetic. With adopted children, bad behavior can start much earlier and can be much more serious and much more difficult to deal with. Mostly, the behavior centers around attachment issues.

Attachment issues fall on a spectrum that ranges from mild problems that can easily be addressed, to the most serious form that is known as reactive attachment disorder (RAD). Young children at risk of attachment disorders feel abandoned, uncared for, or powerless for some reason and feel that they cannot depend on others. They believe that the world is a dangerous and frightening place. Children adopted in infancy and those adopted later, are equally at risk.