The Kids Are Not All Right

The pink and blue coda starts in the crib and follows through. Some parents have had enough but a big looming question remains—how do you raise a child in a gender-neutral home when the world outside is chronically sexist?

- Priya Ramani

When counsellor Sonali Gupta’s daughter, Aneira, wanted a superhero-themed eighth birthday, her parents asked her to rethink. Aneira’s parents don’t follow any rigidly defined gender roles, and their daughter’s interests are varied. She loves superheroes (Black Widow, Scarlet Witch and Gamora are favourites), is not averse to princesses, enjoys Tim Burton films and fought Darth Vader at the Jedi Training at Disneyland Hong Kong. But she acknowledged that most of her girlfriends wouldn’t relate to a superhero party. You may do all you can to bring up your child gender-neutral, but there’s no guarantee her friends’ parents will do the same.

THE SUCCESS RATIO

Sweden, where many state-run preschools don’t say “girl” or “boy” and teachers film themselves to observe (and then rectify) how they interact differently with both sexes, has mastered the art of gender-neutral parenting. Parents in the US have scored some victories too, such as forcing big corporations like Target to remove all gender references from their toy aisles. Some caregivers have even experimented with keeping the gender of their toddler a secret from the world. Here, in India, a slow trickle of parents are opting out of the gender straitjacket, sold only in two colours: pink and blue. Several studies show that this parenting approach makes kids more confident and creative and allows them to explore a wider range of opportunities as adults.