Mind Gains

On the surface, Osher GOnsberg looked to be at the top of his game as one of Australia's most successful TV presenters. Yet away from the camera the 44-year-old host of The Bachelor was struggling. Alcoholism, depression, OCD, anxiety, body dysmorphia . . . his whole life GOnsberg has faced a series of battles that has threatened to torpedo his mental health. Before this A41-1 challenge began, GOnsberg was still on anti-psychotic medication to keep himself on an even keel. What he learned on this 10-week transformation didn't just change his body; it's given him the blueprint to change his life

- Ben Jhoty

I was a pretty nervous, pretty jumpy kid. I figured out early that a really great way to deal with the funny feeling in my stomach, which was anxiety, was to put food in it.

I'm the son of a Lithuanian mum and a Czech dad. We ate a lot of lard, a lot of black bread, a lot of stinky cheese and a lot of meat, nothing but meat in our house. I ended up in Weight Watchers by the time I was in grade 3.

At the all-boys rugby school I attended in Brisbane, I was the only fat kid in my class. I'm probably lighter now than I was then. I remember being in the 110s when I was a teenager. I was bullied pretty hard. I ate terribly, drank way too much soft drink, ate pizza and burgers. I stayed that way for a long time.

At that point in my life I hated myself. It was just nothing but shame. Of course, a really great thing for dealing with shame and disgust is to eat. The more disgusting you feel about yourself, the more you eat. And then you look at yourself in the mirror and go, 'You're disgusting. I know what, I'll eat'. And it just goes around and around.

I started seeing a psychiatrist quite early. Someone figured out that something wasn't right. I've come to accept that this is the brain I got born with. I probably come from a long line of people who were very vigilant and constantly on the lookout for danger. No wonder they survived because they were really, really aware of anything that could turn into a dangerous situation and they kept themselves safe. The thing is, when you don't have that danger and you go looking for it, your brain will find it. Much later in life that became a problem for me.

ALCOHOL CREEPS UP ON YOU . . .