Whip Your Sex Life Into Shape

Need help fulfilling your deepest fantasies? Listen to a former dominatrix.

- Jenny Nordbak

For two years after university, I led a double life. By day I was Jenny, the glorified office secretary – but by night I became Mistress Scarlett, a dominatrix at a sex dungeon, where I learned a lot about secrets. Of course, I’d already had lots of personal experience keeping my own.

When I started having sex, I felt overwhelming pressure to please my partner and to be pleased by the same motions that got him off. If I couldn’t achieve climax, then there must be something wrong with me, right? For years, I faked it with my partners, too insecure to tell them what I needed. Sex was about pleasing them; masturbating was about pleasing myself.

In my final year, I snapped: I decided to explore what I really wanted from sex. When I stumbled across a job ad for a dungeon, I didn’t hesitate. I kept it from my boyfriend for months, afraid he would reject me, until one day I discovered he had a secret too.

He’d been cheating on me with his ex. Not only that, but he was also into some of the kinkiest stuff I’d ever heard of. After the initial shock – and some awkward, difficult conversations – we allowed each other to explore our desires together with trust and openness.

That relationship ended, but it opened my eyes to how naive we can be in thinking we’re the only ones hiding something.