Being Yourself: The Role Of Your Life

Oscar Wilde is credited with saying, “Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.” Easier said than done, perhaps. In a world where we are expected to look and act in a certain way, we end up pleasing everyone but ourselves. In order to belong we bury our true selves and this can lead to despair. So how would it feel if the only role you play this lifetime is to just be yourself?

- Marie Rowland

The story of Oscar Wilde did not end happily. Once lauded on the London stage and feted by society, he suffered the fate of languishing in jail after publicly declaring his love for a man — which was, at that time, deemed a crime. His tumble from grace was irrevocable and he ended up impoverished in Paris, dying at only 46. Being himself cost him everything including his life but living a lie had become unbearable. He could not deny his truth.

This story is not an unfamiliar one for many people, even in this day and age. The anguish of knowing who you are but pretending to be something else for fear of scorn or rejection can end in tragedy. Whether it is society or on a much smaller scale with friends or family, revealing your true self can be the toughest act you can do. Ironically, it can be hardest with those you love.

It takes courage to live your true life, especially when it comes to identity, sexuality or following cultural norms. How often do we see young people forced into studies or careers, trying to live up to parental expectations only to break out later or, worse still, suffering in silence interminably? Support and acceptance from those around is the pathway to freedom for many who feel trapped inside themselves. And, like Wilde, it takes courage to be yourself.

The great French existential writer and commentator Jean-Paul Sartre famously said, “Hell is other people.” Living up to expectations or conforming to societal norms can affect any chance of happiness when you compromise who you are.

We are beholden to what others think of us and we act accordingly. Oftentimes we revert to taking safe or soft options — we compromise our values or forgo principles that would otherwise govern how we would conduct our lives. Moreover, we step back from taking risks and abandon our sense of purpose. As a result we fail to act on our own intuition, deferring to the will or way of others.