How My Body Changed...And How It Changed Me

What if the only way to save your life was to alter your body drastically? Would you still feel like yourself? And what would it be like to see yourself naked again for the first time? Three women who have undergone major physical transformations opened up to WH about their new realities, in all their unvarnished glory. And now they’re triumphantly showing their bodies in the hopes of empowering other women.

AFTER A DOUBLE MASTECTOMY

Melanie Testa, 48, textile designer and author

“I’d always felt disconnected from my body, including my breasts. But my breast cancer diagnosis in January 2011 changed that.

When I was researching mastectomies online, I came across an image of a young woman, bilaterally flat, tossing rocks on a beach and looking happy. I felt relief. My doctors urged me to reconsider because reconstruction is the socially acceptable choice, but I couldn’t ignore my reservations. When I had my surgery in June 2011, I opted not to reconstruct. My husband, David, who I’d been with for 18 years, supported whatever choice I made. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy; to get comfortable with my ‘after’, I would have to unravel my beliefs about femininity and what my body should look like.

Soon after surgery, I remember looking at myself in the mirror – bald, thinner and flat – and admiring the strength of my conviction. But I also felt ill at ease because I wasn’t seeing anyone – beyond that initial photo – who looked like me. This was confusing, disappointing, lonely making. Certain incidents made me doubt my choice: after surgery, a guy I passed on the street yelled, ‘You look like a man!’ I kept walking, but inside I was in a tailspin.