The Mom Divide

Can your relationship with your bestie survive one of you having a baby? Yes... But it’s complicated, say two lifelong pals. Their story reveals how parenthood changed their friendship in ways they never expected 

- Andrea Stanley

For many women, it’s not love, marriage or a baby carriage that comes first – it’s friendship. In 2016, a Chartmix survey of data from 141 countries found that the average age of first-time moms in many developed countries was on the rise, with Australia, the UK and many European countries averaging between 27 and 31. SA’s average was sitting at a youthful 22.5, according to their findings, but it’s likely that we have women near both ends of the spectrum.

First time pregnancies aside, women in the US who are in their early thirties are having children at a higher rate than those in their twenties.

“Now that most women spend the majority of their twenties – if not all of them – not married and not yet mothers, it creates a space to build emotionally intimate bonds in which their friends can truly feel like family,” says Dr Andrea Bonior, clinical psychologist and author of The Friendship Fix. That means a whole lot of years spent being each other’s plus-ones at events, driving her home after she gets her wisdom teeth pulled and celebrating both of your promotions and big new jobs. It’s the type of relationship so all-encompassing that to classify it as a “friendship” feels thin – the roots run that deep.