“ He's No Longer The Handsome, Dynamic Man I Fell In Love With.”

Sarah Gan* watched her partner go from exciting go-getter to lazy lump. She tells JO UPCRAFT why she still loves her spouse, but is no longer in love with him.

- Jo Upcraft

“Okay, it’s ready!”

I shout from the kitchen, sweeping a tray of food into my arms.

I carry my husband’s dinner into the living room, and pause for a few seconds behind him. He’s slouched on the sofa, engrossed in a computer game on the giant TV screen.

He doesn’t react when he sees me. I notice he’s wearing just his underwear again. The first thing he does when he gets home is to take off his clothes, leaving them in a pile at the door.

“Be careful, it’s hot,” I say, setting the tray down before turning away from him. It never used to be like this.

Wedding promises

Earning more than him

I first met Patrick* 25 years ago in school. He was smart, funny and handsome. We became friends, but it wasn’t until we were in our early 20s that we started dating. He was very ambitious, and had landed a good job with a global IT company, while I was on the bottom rung as an assistant in a bank.

We dated for two years, then got engaged. Life was fun and easy. I loved his drive, sense of humour and generosity. He’d take me out for meals and buy me little gifts. On weekends we’d watch films, go cycling and have barbecues at East Coast Park. On our wedding day in July 2001, he whispered in my ear: “I will love you, look after you and make you happy for the rest of my life.”

Earning more than him

And Patrick did do all those things. We were a great team – with our new home, his job promotions, and three children within the first eight years of marriage.

Even though we were consumed with work and family responsibilities, we made time for date nights each month. Patrick would always buy me something new to wear – a top or some earrings – for those nights.