Why You May Need Couples Therapy (Even If You Aren't Married)

He hasn’t put a ring on it… yet. But more troubled couples are turning up for therapy. The benefits: future-proofing your relationship so you can avoid that trip to the divorce lawyer’s office years later.

- Davelle Lee

Quit thinking of couples therapy as a last resort for a marriage on the rocks. Unmarried couples are into it too. Data from Reach Counselling Service shows that more than 20 percent of couples who showed up for therapy in 2016 were not married. It seems that rather than letting a problem fester, they’re getting it sorted – the earlier, the better. “People are more accommodating when they’re still courting,” says Larry Lai, psychotherapist and principal counsellor at Focus on the Family Singapore.

Younger couples know that good relationships are hard work and are taking things into their own hands. Larry adds that higher divorce rates in society also make these young couples more aware that a marriage certificate is no guarantee of a happy ever after.

Here’s how to know if you and your bae should give it a go:

YOU FIGHT A LOT, AND YOU DON’T KNOW WHY

There’s probably a deep-seated issue you’re not dealing with. Larry cites the example of one partner wanting to set up a joint account, and the other seeing no need for it. “One partner sees a joint account as proof of a trusting relationship, and separate accounts as having no trust,” adds Larry. Therapy creates a safe space to spill on what’s really bothering you and be less dismissive of your partner’s feelings.

YOUR PARTNER CHEATED

It’s easy to get caught up in your emotions. If you think the relationship’s worth saving, a therapist can help get the dialogue going so you can decide whether to patch things up, or move on.

YOU SUSPECT YOU AREN’T A GOOD MATCH