Diffusing Toddler Tiffs

Along with the help of our expert, Shelton Kartun of the Anger and Stress Management Centre, Peta Daniel explains why you can’t win an argument with your toddler and offer advice on dealing with toddler tiffs successfully

Fighting with your toddler is exhausting, frustrating and pointless, because in this game, logic doesn’t matter, the rules don’t apply and imaginary friends may weigh in. If you can’t win the argument, why even bother fighting? If you’ve spent time with a toddler or two, you know how the conversation flows. “Let’s put pyjamas on for bed,” says mom. “Choose which ones you want.” Toddler chooses blue pyjamas. “Good choice! Let’s put them on.”

“No!” screams toddler, limbs flailing as mom tries to angle feet into leg holes. “Why not?” she asks, exasperated. “Because they’re BLUE!” replies toddler, his tone implying that she must be thick not to realise, and so it goes on. How would you win in this situation?

Many parents have got to the point where they simply give in. “Fine, go to sleep pants-less”, while others will fight the point until the child is sobbing, screaming and flinging Lego and the parent is red-faced, seething and pulling their hair out. The first scenario avoids conflict, but doesn’t achieve the point, while the second may culminate in a pants-wearing toddler. The general bad experience may mean it’s not worthwhile. There are a few ways to diffuse the situation, avoid conflict and still achieve the goal.

DISTRACTION

Distracting works particularly well with younger children. Keep items handy (like bubbles) and remember interesting tidbits of information or fun songs to employ when you realise something might be starting to get out of hand. Be careful that the item is not a reward for undesirable behaviour, but rather a true changing of focus.