We asked New York–based clinical psychologist and psychoanalyst Orna Guralnik to help a few navigate some common disputes. “It’s easy to project your anxieties about this time onto your partner,” says Guralnik. “Fighting becomes a way to play out your inner conflict.”
Daniel Stigall & Elyse Lindahl, Brooklyn
Together one month and self-isolating together at Daniel’s apartment.
E: Yesterday I made a Google doc laying out what I need our schedule to look like.
D: But I’m way too lazy to execute on it. I’m reluctant to have this written plan that defines our alone time and recreation time.
E: We need to have our separate alone time. And separate spaces. I need a workspace.
D: She carved out a nook in the corner. Elyse is way more activity-oriented and motivated and undaunted. She doesn’t have a moment of depressed contemplation, and she’s dragging me on runs every day. This document presumes we are not working at all. I’m struggling to adjust to the level of sheer activity. The moments when she goes out, I’m so relieved to be able to put on sweatpants. That’s another rule! No sweatpants before 7 p.m.
E: I follow it.
D: I didn’t follow it yesterday. We’ve had an explicit conversation about how these are not normal circumstances. When this is over, we need to have very evaluative conversations.
E: The beginning parts of a relationship, when you’re still getting to know the other person—
D: Are usually not experienced under duress.
Diese Geschichte stammt aus der March 30 - April 12, 2020-Ausgabe von New York magazine.
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Diese Geschichte stammt aus der March 30 - April 12, 2020-Ausgabe von New York magazine.
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