FULLER HOUSE

How to keep the peace with three generations living under one roof

- Philip Preville

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW, Georgii, loves to spoil her grandchildren. Until recently, I’ve always cherished this aspect of her personality. The indulgences she offers our three sons aren’t excessive: homebaked treats or some extra screen time. She gives our kids a reprieve from the stricter limits that my wife, Lynn, and I impose upon them, which was part of what made visiting Oma so special. Then she moved in.

It’s been five years since we consolidated our two households into one, with Lynn bringing her parents—Georgii and my father-in-law, John—into our home. It turns out we were on-trend; according to Statistics Canada, from 2011 to 2016, the number of three-generation homes grew by 38 per cent.

In theory, the move was a win-win-win. Georgii and John would live far more affordably than at any seniors’ residence. Lynn and I, both with busy careers, would get odd-hours care for the kids. And the boys would always have loving family members around.

It hasn’t always been as easy as that, though. We’ve had disagreements about grocery bills, parking spots, what constitutes a clean kitchen and which brand of saltine is best. And, with Oma in charge, the boys’ after-school snacks became a smorgasbord of chicken fingers, chocolate bars and Timbits. I voiced my displeasure early on, but Georgii countered that they came home starving— which I interpreted as a subtle dig at the school lunches I made for them.

All intergenerational homes, I’m sure, involve such conflicts—but by keeping a few simple principles in mind, harmony can still prevail.

Avoid Old Patterns