How To Deal With Jealousy Like An Adult

The green-eyed monster visits everyone occasionally, but you can decide on how to handle the emotion

When was the last time you felt jealous? For many of us, dealing with jealousy is like that little feeling deep in the gut. It could be a regular visitor in your romantic relationships (why can't my husband be as thoughtful as Lisa’s?), or Instagram could stoke the embers (how does she afford that vacation?), or even sometimes when you see a co-worker succeed – and wonder why you haven’t done the same.

Social media seems to be egging it on. A 2017 survey by Kapersky Lab of 16,750 people found that 42 per cent of respondents felt jealous of the engagement on a friend’s post.

And then there’s the age-old romantic jealousy. A 2015 study of 64,000 people by Chapman University said that’s still roaring strong. Heterosexual men were, perhaps surprisingly, more likely to be jealous of the idea of sexual infidelity (54 per cent of men versus 35 per cent women). But heterosexual women were more upset by the idea of emotional infidelity (65 per cent of women versus 46 per cent of men.)

So jealousy is definitely part of the human experience. The question is: What can you do when you’re feeling jealous? We spoke with two therapists to find out how to deal with jealousy in a relationship or in your professional and social life.

1 KNOW WHAT JEALOUSY IS

“Jealousy and envy are two branches on the same tree,” says licensed psychologist Kate Balestrieri. “Jealousy contains a little more fear. Envy contains a little more resentment.”

For example, you might get jealous of a friend spending time with a new group because you’re afraid it means your relationship won’t be as important to them. But you might be envious of a friend who got a promotion when your own career has flatlined.

We often use the terms interchangeably, but it’s good to know which branch your feelings are stemming from in order to understand them better.