Going Dutch

If You’re Feeling Frustrated as a Parent, Trying the Dutch Technique May Yield the Results You’re Looking for.

Parents know how important boundaries are for kids; they work well when instilled consistently. But what if you turned traditional parenting on its head, and looked at your children and their discipline in a completely different light? The Dutch education system has been in the spotlight for their abolishment of the homework system, and the Netherlands topped the list twice in UNICEF surveys on the happiest kids in the world. Many South African parents, frustrated with homework, often joke about adopting the Dutch style of education.

The Dutch way comes under the spotlight in The Happiest Kids in the World: Bringing up children the Dutch way by Rina Mae Acosta and Michele Hutchison (Penguin Random House). Michele says, ‘In the Netherlands, there’s a more realistic expectation of what children are capable of and much greater tolerance. Dutch parents tend to be authoritative rather than authoritarian.’

Parenting in an ‘authoritarian’ manner automatically assumes that children are strong-willed and self-indulgent, and that the parent needs to have parameters in place to control this behaviour. Parents love children, but expect them to do as they’re told, without questions, and to the level required of them. While this is not a bad thing, and while this method may have worked well in the past, the Dutch believe there’s a different way to parent, and that a more cooperative approach can yield better results. They view parenting discipline (and parenting in general) in a more authoritative way, which means that, although strict, they’re more willing to listen to the arguments and opinions of their children when disciplining them.