Are You The Driving Force In Your Marriage?

Writer Louise Atkinson, married to Jonathan for 22 years, explains what happened to their relationship when a fascinating book inspired her to secretly change her behaviour

- Louise Atkinson

Louise, 52, and husband Jonathan, 53, live with their three teenage children.

"When we met all those years ago, I was very much attracted to Jon’s lovely soft, caring 'beta' qualities, and I’m pretty sure he thought my thrusting, go-getting 'alpha' nature was exciting and possibly even sexy.

Now, though, even he might say I’m far too often the one trying to wear the pants. Like many of my girlfriends, I’m ambitious, organised, straight talking and (usually) decisive, and the only way I can juggle full-time work with the slippery fish of family life is by extending some of the planning and decision-making I use at work to home.

But then I read a book, The Alpha Female’s Guide to Men & Marriage, by US relationship expert Suzanne Venker, and began to wonder… are the mood swings and short fuse of menopause starting to put a little too much alpha icing on my already alpha cake?

Many of my closest friends run their families like they run their careers, with ruthless efficiency. And when we get together over a bottle of Prosecco, one of us will inevitably end up moaning about having to take charge of the shopping, cooking, finances, the kids, birthday presents, holidays and ageing parents (on both sides). I’m ashamed to admit the kind, gentle men we married are sometimes vilified for their inability to do the most menial tasks 'properly'.