Stuck In The Middle

Society has to go beyond the binary definitions of gender, and support intersex individuals.

- Pooja Biraia Jaiswal

Even six months after the birth of their first baby, Anju and Tahir did not know if they had a son or a daughter. Every single day had been traumatic for the parents who live in a joint family. They lived in a close-knit community in Delhi's Lajpat Nagar area, and were desperate for privacy and isolation. They avoided meeting people, including their dear ones for the fear of having to answer the dreadful question, “Is it a boy or a girl?” At the time of birth, the parents, much to their shock and disbelief, were informed that their baby was born with ambiguous genitalia. They were asked to wait for six months after which the doctors would ascertain which sex “had to be assigned”.

For six months, the parents told everyone who asked that it was a girl. It was a period of anxiety, struggle and depression. What if she turns out to be a boy? Is she neither? Why did this happen to us? Why couldn't our baby just be a normal boy or a girl? Numerous such questions messed up their already troubled minds. The baby, born healthy at 3.2kg, was pink and chubby with lovely brown eyes, and was an absolute attention stealer. Anju kept her fully covered at all times and made sure she never left home. She changed diapers alone, away from prying eyes. As the baby neared the six-month milestone, the couple approached the Holy Family Hospital in Delhi for an answer.