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Seized by aliens on cig break

POLICE took a call from a man claiming he had been snatched by aliens while smoking a cigarette.

Spirit of George: Beatles hit is fab

'HE FIXED CLOCK TO TELL WIDOW NEW SONG FINE'

Football fans ink it all over

FANS of Manchester United are top of the table when it comes to club tattoos.

ANNABEL: HUBBY'S WHITE BEHIND ME

Tragic Mel 'sending star feathers'

LET'S GET FREDDIE TO RUMBLE

Sirieix: Mate Gordon told me not to take any s**t

Noel: Don't lick back in anger..

ROCK LEGEND'S CRAVING 'NANA CHOC CHIP CONE

999 DRONES UNDER TRIAL

Devices will be first on scene

The beer belly-busting berries

'NO EXERCISE NEEDED TO LOSE 3ST'

ON ME BED

Married Prem ace gets his kit off with model

SUE'S DEL JOY

40 yrs on.. and I’m still getting stopped in street & supermarket

Garage gunked

\"MR Brexit\" Nigel Garage looks like he's gearing up for another departure - this time from the Australian outback.

Faith in Ru

NICHOLLS' HURDLER AIMING HIGH

TOMMY'S A LITTLE MIRACLE

Baby born weighing just 1.5lb defies all the odds

Conker trees saved by tits

GRUBS GOBBLED

Footie clubs Xmas jumpers 'strip off'

PRICES RISE 17% IN A YEAR

WE'RE SKO BAD

Skoda lovers are dodgiest drivers on our highways

Double pecker bus

'PUBLIC TRANSPORT MY TICKET TO RUDE'

CALL THE FLYING SAUCER SQUAD...

1,805 alien reports to cops

FUEL PAW-VERTY

Owners' huge bills to keep pets warm

HRVY on jail show bang out of order

GIRLFRIEND'S DISMAY

Top terror chief 'dies in attack'

ISRAELI forces last night claimed to have killed a Hamas commander holding 1,000 people in a hospital as human shields.

Pistols Glen: Never mind the beaucoups

FRENCH INSULT SAVED ROCKER FROM BANDITS

12 DAYS OF XMAS CHAOS

Works to paralyse rail travel

Shrinkin' my melons

SHAUN 'TOO SHRIVELLED' FOR NAKED ATTRACTION

OUR GIMP TERROR

Women fear original perv still on loose

MARCH ENEMIES

300k pro-Palestinians parade in central London|Cops arrest 92 counter protesters near Cenotaph

Ash bang walloped

MATTY STEALS SHOW

RIK ROTTEN AT COMEDY

'Inspired by Sex Pistol'

We're all just a bit soft (toy)

FIFTH HAVE TEDDY

Weight op helped me spot lump

SLIMMER'S LIFE SAVED