Aussie Rules!

Malcom Bonzer is a ‘true blue Aussie’ and guest ‘fake news’ reporter this issue on a very alternative type of windsurfing contest. Crass, crude and definitely not P.C., read on as Malcom tells us more with his tongue firmly bolted to his cheek.

- Malcom Bonzer, Finn Mullen & John Carter

G’day all you whinging Poms, Malcom Bonzer here, Aussie bloke of the year here 2007 to 2012 and three times world bare chested fighting and windsurfing champion. In my spare time from cracking knuckles and nailing 50 knots before breakfast I like to organise windsurfing competitions. Now these aren’t your normal events where blokes and shelias wear lycra and ponse about with marks out of ten like blooming strictly come dancing, what’s that all about? No, these are proper true blue wave sailing events where if you lose you have to buy a round and if you win you have to buy two. Those are the rules and the only rules worth talking about; any complaints come see the end of my boots or the front of my fist. So now we’ve got all the friendly chat out of the way, make sure your stubbies are at the ready and your barbies are full of dead animals as this ‘arvo we have the highlights of a couple of Bonzer Cup special test matches from Western Australia featuring some blokes going up and down waves like a dunny seat on party night and moves as big as a centipede’s sock drawer.

THE CORRO CUP

First feature today me old pork chops is our Home ‘n’ Away special, where Jaeger ‘Eye of the tiger’ Stone took on Philip ‘Frankenfurter’ ‘Köster for the prestigious ‘Corro Cup’. Yep sports fans, good ol’ Coronation Beach was the venue for this humdinger. ‘Strewth’ though, it was a bloody scorcher and no wind down at Corros when we got there, the boys had faces like dropped pies.